8hyenas

It's been a while but the FridayFive caught my eye this week.

1. If the world were to suddenly end right now, what do you wish you would have done?

Seen more of the natural world. When I travel I find it difficult to connect with or be interested in the new culture. However, I love learning about the new environments and how that culture intersects with their home. Also architecture. More. More weird grass and strange animal noises and trees with leaves I've never seen. It fills the animal me with awe, like a space traveler. New. Grass.

Costa Rica.


2. How many times do you hit the snooze button before getting out of bed?

Zero. I'm such a morning person that I don't even use an alarm. It doesn't help me get places on time in the morning though because I still drag in having spent too long reading in the recliner with tea and animals.

3. What cartoon do you enjoy watching from the present (or the past)?

I've heard Arcane is really good. I don't watch cartoons as an adult. Maybe a Miyazaki here and there. My faves as a kid were Scooby-Doo and Wile E. Coyote. Also wait. That one with the old people gnomes who rode on birds and had the cosy houses.

4. If you could go to any time and/or place in history, where/when would it be?

Well, I probably wouldn't. But if you could guarantee me safety and bodily autonomy and not having to touch raw meat. I'd probably go check out pre-European US. Mainly for the trees. And carrier pigeons. Birds in general. I can tell right now in my life that there are fewer insects and birds and snow than when I was a kid. So even watching them at the feeder or my little wrens in their condo is a type of sadness. Always grieving.

5. If your life were a movie, what would it be rated and why?

NR bc it'd be one of those near zero dialogue artsy movies. The camera would just follow me around and the entire world would be black and white except for what I was thinking about or focused on which would be in color. You'd only hear people speak if I were listening. The longer my day and the more overwhelmed I got the more out of focus the film would get. But not blurry, more static based and flatter. Then at a certain point (when I start to disassociate) you'd kind of begin to zoom out and see things from further and further away and time would skip. Like I'd start to shelve books and then somehow be helping a patron, then somehow walking down the hall with no transitions. Oh yes, I've thought about this.

Any time a dog is on screen I will be dialed tf in.

 If anyone else is in distress about Afghanistan right now here's where I chose to donate both cash and miles to.

https://miles4migrants.org/

It uses 100% of all donations to buy plane tickets for refugees so they can leave their situation. You can donate airline miles, or just donate cash. I'd never thought about the fact that people can have approved exit visas, but simply be unable to afford to leave. They work with a lot of different NGOs, including Keeping Our Promise which is a resettlement program for wartime allies and their families.

 A FRIENDING MEME! I think. I thought about it a lot and I wonder if it is indeed a meme. But today is a mental health day and I'm not allowing myself to make a to-do list (because then I bully myself into getting it done). And honestly, there's nothing that needs to be done. I can just chill. Chill. CHILL.  

Fact 1: The more times I use the word "chill" the less chill I am.

Home: I live in a valley and am a Hill-Person. This is like a hillbilly, but with gender awareness and internet access. I am in the Bible Belt. People quote scripture at me, and routinely tell me I'm going to hell. But it's all good. There are trees, and creeks, and my house. This is my home. 

I am alone. But sometimes that's a confusing fact, because I'm not. I mean, I'm a person. I am alone with myself? I am myself, alone. I am without the company of others, is more accurate. This occasionally bothers me, and I make very emotional wailing posts on dreamwidth about it, but all the time I am not posting, it is not bothering me. I had a guest for 1.5 days and got enough people recently. So. I am not exactly languishing.

I read. Mostly science fiction, fan fiction (jesus wept. (ha! now i'm quoting scripture at you, but in the context of well, gay love stories), and sexy werewolves.

I have houseplants.

I have pets. 

I am not white. The chances are exceedingly low we are the same minority, and I prefer not to disclose and end up with fetish accounts. So just kind of put me in the mental slot you reserve for the most populous minority in your area and I'll lurk there until I spring forth with a hot take and shout "Racist!" at a prime moment.




I am a maker.

I am deeply interested in people. I work with the public in my little rural collapse and probably need to get a masters in social work or something but am pretty happy as is. I will post about drug use, poverty, violence, and my love of these things and the people they hold.


It's all a story, and sometimes I forget I'm a story. I'm sitting here, waiting on a storm to become a tornado and the neighbor to come so we can get in the cellar. And I'm bored. Isn't that fantastic?

Comments screened, be bold.

PSA: Please hold your fake smile and release slowly as you turn away. You do not know your angles, do not flash and dash.

 I did it! I remained unspoiled for Infinity War until I saw it. I also read an article somewhere about how the MCU is just a massively long television episode instead of individual movies which explains why I love it.
And why I hate movies you'd think I'd like. I detest Star Wars, Wonder Woman, I endure some Pixar. It's literally physically difficult for me to remain in the theater, I hate them so much. I get so bored. But not the MCU. I forgot to blink during Infinity War and had to use eye drops. I have zero plot point complaints. I'm one of THOSE fans.

I also really like Thanos. If I were a super villain, it'd be Thanos. (I mean, he's awful, and I'm not sympathetic at all. Just, if I were to get twisted that's how I'd go.)

Here are some good things that happened to me this year. I mean, the overwhelming crushing sensation that has hung over my head since Nov' 2016 deserves a shout out, as well as the development of a diagnosable anxiety disorder. But, 2017 was a great year in the microcosm of my life. 

1) My kiddo got out of DHS and the court system and I got guardianship 

2) We had a nice family vacation

3) Someone bought me a brand new car as a gift. And I got to pick it out.

4) I got a new job, and it is both part time and with benefits. And I like going so much I'd probably volunteer. (It's at a library and I'm basically a community helper. It's great. This week I entertained a dozen bored children who were dumped at the library by their working parents, I found a home for a stray that was dumped at the library, I listened to someone tell me about their childhood in Nazi Germany while drinking tea, I helped a man fill out an application for housing assistance, I found a woman a job by word-of-mouth, I collected 50+ coats for the coat drive, I made flyers for the food bank, and on and on. It's great. I like helping. A lot.)

5) I did some impressive home remodeling projects with some small skill.

6) We got a new dog, who is an angel in disguise (or maybe not in disguise, because how much more angelic can you get than a dog?)

7) My environs are safe and beautiful

8) Myself, family, and friends are all mostly healthy and mostly happy. I think.

 Child pauses Looney Tunes. "Bad guys aren't really bad are they? I mean, they just don't have any money. So if we gave them the money then we could all be good guys."

If anyone is cleaning out their DVDs please donate them to your local library!
We have a LOT of patrons who check out DVDs, and we're only budgeted to purchase 25 DVDs a year. Which means a lot of great movies will never get seen. I mean, we don't even have Captain America (!!!).

Also this is your chance to change your town. I'd love it if someone donated Moonlight or 5 seasons of Queer as Folk. But no, Gunsmoke, and three seasons of Bonanza.

Also a lot of the people who use libraries don't have any other means to purchase media and also lack their own internet/cable connections. These people will NEVER see a movie that isn't at the library.

So, don't throw away all your DVDs as you flee a dying format, DONATE!

I made that post complaining about having to miss work today. I got over it.

And now, I'm sitting on the couch with my kiddo. We're each reading quietly, and she looks so cute in her new haircut. I don't want to imagine her gone. I am so thankful that I won that court case. It was the most stressful time of my life, and I spent all my savings and still owe the lawyers. But, I won. And she's so great.

Since the second great migration from lj (this is right?) I was looking back through my entries and found this description of my first foster kid.

#1: Stayed 8 months. 4 years old. Hell. On. Earth. I was her fourth placement in 6 months. We never got along. There were perhaps four peaceful moments. Part of it was that we were simply mismatched. But most of it was that she was awful.

^This is the one I fought for in court, and won like a sullen prize. THIS ONE. Not the sweet one, or the needy teen. Her, my first child, who ended back with me after I reluctantly said yes. And then two years later she's mine. My first child, and then my last one too.

Life likes circles.